The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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