Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
