I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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