so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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