I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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