when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
