but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
