I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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