pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
