This girl is more easily done than said...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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