But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
