were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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