I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
