WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
