Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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