he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
