Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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