My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
