I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
