we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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