I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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