Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
