i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
this will be a night to untag.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
