Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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