i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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