woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
