Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
