those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
