Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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