I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
