Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I fill condoms, not promises.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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