Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
