just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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