She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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