Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
