Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
