capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
