It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
