So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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