Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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