Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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