The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize