you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
