u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
