He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
