You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
