Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
