I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
