I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
