i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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