i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
handjob tips. give me some.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
