I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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