something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
