hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
