One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
