The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
