I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
