I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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