He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
