i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hippo gnu deer
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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