you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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