Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
