we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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