If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
