I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
