After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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