the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize