You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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