Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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