she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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