Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
