So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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